Inside the mind of an idiot....

Let me explain...

2008-01-26T12:46:00.000Z

I am very sorry that I have not posted anything here in feckin ages.

I am at present enjoying a blog called fourninepounds. It is a community of bloggers and is great craic. If I get more free time I will be back here but until then I recommend anyone who has the inclination to have a read of this.

http://forninepounds.blogspot.com/

Cheers :)

The Bottle Bank

2007-07-02T13:42:00.001+01:00

My name is Idiot and by the looks of this picture I am an alcoholic.

No this is not a picture taken at a bottle bank, but a picture taken in my back garden. My two house mates and I have been lazy feckers when it comes to recycling. Now in fairness we keep everything separated and all it will take is a quick trip to the recycling centre to get rid of this mess.

However it does bring up a question. Are we as a nation spending more time drinking at home than in the pub? Personally I believe we are and from talking to a few people I think my thoughts are mirrored.

One example is one I heard from a guy outside a pub during one of the smoke breaks I take on any given night out. His friend is a pub owner and at one time he had 4 dedicated full time staff in his pub and a couple of part-timers for the off license. Now he has one full timer in the pub and two full timers for his off license section.

So what does this mean?

Well it means we are drinking at home more, which in turn means we can drink till we drop instead of having time constraints put on us. We can buy more drink as it is cheaper in the off licenses so we drink more, we can smoke at home.

So the smoking ban has made us more unhealthy than we were in the first place.

Is there anything we could have done differently?? Well I believe that we could have created some smoking and some non smoking pubs and each would have done as well as the other. Proper air filtering systems in pubs?? hmmmm maybe not. I would like to praise a few pub owners on the efforts they have made to create smoking areas in their pubs that do not take you away from the pub environment. The best so far is Uncle Toms Cabin in Dundrum. They have a section out the back which is basically added to the pub, with lovely comfy seats, heating, a roof and table service. It is a place where you can go in a mixed group of smokers and non smokers and sit as you would have done before the ban, chatting, smoking drinking. No interruptions of leaving the table for a smoke etc.

Here's another question.. Why do we as a nation put so much emphasis on drinking? And we do you know. Conversations invariably end up about some session or other, if you are going to meet someone it is generally in a pub, if you are giving directions it is normally through the use of pubs as your location markers. We seem to have become so used to the expectation of being a drinking nation that we now really are.

I enjoy a drink as much as the next man but am a little worried about the way it is being used and abused in our society today. Its no wonder we have stag and hen parties galore every weekend in Dublin. It is what people expect when they come to Ireland. Our cultural centre in Dublin is a piss up haven called Temple Bar! There is an ambulance parked in the square there on a number of nights as they know they will get a call... That's kind off sad.

A Mans Home is his Castle...... or so they say.

2007-06-10T21:08:00.000+01:00

Men everywhere have different ideas of what would or should be the ideal mans home. Now I have my own personal opinion that I will share with you.

The phrase in my title is one that has stayed with me since I was very young and first started reading fantasy novels. They are a passion of mine and a fantastic means of removing yourself from the humdrum of everyday life and immersing yourself in another world.

I would love to live in a castle. Yes, that's right folks I take that phrase quite literally.

It would be a modest affair in this day and age due to the exorbitant costs involved but still its nice to dream...

A large driveway would meander up to a large oak door surrounded by large grey brickwork. To your left you would spy a tower that rose about 10 feet higher than the surrounding walls. The walls would be crenelated and have a small walkway so that you can walk the walls in the evenings. All of the windows would be arched and bound in iron. Once through the door you would be into a small square yard with out buildings to the right and the main building to the left.

The main building would have a similar door to the one on the main wall. Once through this you would be into a large hall with stone floors and a central staircase leading upstairs. Six bedrooms are upstairs 4 to right and 2 to the left. Also a door leading onto a winding staircase that brings you to a small room atop the tower. Downstairs is the norm with a large kitchen, dining room, sitting room, study and storeroom. The walls are adorned with tapestries and wall sconces for torches and the standard castle decorations of suits of armour and swords.

At the back of the castle would be a large garden area with an archery area at the back and plenty of room for growing your own vegetables etc....

Ahhhhh a dream for sure. I guess its time to explain the picture above...

I am currently living with two fantastic guys from Lithuania. They are both as gay as Christmas and while this poses no problems for me I return to the title of this post.

I came home today and went for a cigarette in the garden. The garden is a nice one with a well kept lawn and a couple of random bushes around the place. So a mans home is his castle. Mine now has four pink butterfly lights poking out of the ground for all to see.

The picture is one I am happy with. I used the macro on the camera. Yes I don't call it the flower button anymore!! I also used it more correctly than I have before. So the main butterfly is in focus and the others out of focus. I played with the levels and used an overlay to sharpen the image. Yes I am getting very posh when it comes to using photoshop. I am really excited about what Dolly will comment here!! She has been mean to me in the past so check her site out and leave some nasty comments :)

Being a lazy fecker....

2007-05-22T22:26:00.000+01:00

So firstly I must apologise for not putting anything up here for a couple of weeks. It was not an intentional thing I was just a lazy fecker.

Now in fairness the reason I have been a lazy fecker where the Internet is concerned is because I have been very sociable lately. I am not sure what has happened but since making my move in job and home things have been going great for me. Lots of partying and meeting new people etc etc.

Now this however is no excuse to stop or get lax in doing something that I enjoy so I am going to try to be more demanding of myself when it comes to my blogging.

Something to highlight my laziness in the area of blogging is the photograph above. I was holding my camera and accidentally took a shot of my hand. This annoyed me and I could not think of anything to shoot so I used it.

Now the rant part......

I love going out and having a few drinks with friends as do a huge number of people in the world. The thing that really pisses me off is the morning after.....

I am not talking about a binge session where there is vodka and redbull coming out of your arsehole because it has burned through every organ in your body. I am talking about the four or five pints in the pub and home in bed by 1am. It doesn't matter what I try. From a banana before I sleep (For the potassium) or drinking three pints of water before sleep. You are still never at 100% capability in work the next day. Now I have, until recently, used the old not drinking before working the next day thing but that was affecting my social life badly and I was becoming a recluse. So with all the technology about today why cant our scientists work on a way to get people pissed and for it to have no ill effect the next day......

Now I don't want people commenting about those stupid remedies in the chemists, they are a load of bollox. I am talking about an ingredient in beer that will stop dehydration and still give the same effect as before. Imagine how much better our lives would be!!! Fair enough we may all have liver problems but sure who wants to live till they don't know whats going on anyway.

On another note, I would be grateful if anyone reading this could check out my brothers site and in particular his piece about Madeleine Mc Cann. It is a truly frightening story and one where we can all help create a happy ending.

Voting time again.........Yawn

2007-05-03T15:37:00.000+01:00

Ok first things first. You may notice the lack of a picture with this post and there is a reason for this.

There are about a million pictures and posters plastered all over the feckin place at the moment and I have had enough of them.

So its election time again and we get to look at our local candidates smiling down at us where ever we go. Will you ever feck off. Out they come looking for our votes all these faces who nobody knows. From one end of the year to the next we hear nothing, see nothing about these people unless they happen to have shagged some prostitute or been given some Bertie envelopes under the table. How dare they.

Successive Irish governments have fucked us over and they think smiley pictures will get them the vote. "We promise to do...." that's what we are hearing now, and always these empty promises end up on a piece of paper littering the Taoiseachs floor. So what the hell do I do??

Do I use my given right to try and select a good candidate for my constituency? Do I read through all the crap that's coming in through my letter box? Do I go out in the middle of the night and deface all the posters on my street?

Well for this election I have decided to abstain from voting because frankly I could not give a shit anymore. Whoever comes into power will ultimately fuck us all up anyway so I might as well save myself an afternoon.

If I do happen to go out to vote I will be voting for the following...

Victor, my drunken Lithuanian housemate. He would soon sort out the bullshit in Irish politics.

Friday the 13th rant.......hehe

2007-04-18T22:47:00.000+01:00

So thankfully I got the day off for Friday the 13th. I am not superstitious but sure I felt better knowing that if any shit hit the fan work wise I was well out of the picture. So I woke up nice and early and feeling pretty good. No cataclysmic events had happened during my sleep so the world was still there and was not full of nuclear fallout or the walking dead.

In fact it was a smashing day! The sun shining, birds talking their normal crap and I hadn't slept till four in the afternoon. My mum was up minding my little god daughter down in the brothers house in Bray so I had arranged to go over and see the two of them as I don't get to see my mum as much as I would like. So I had a cup of wake up juice and headed over. It was a lovely drive with none of the normal bullshit involved. No traffic jams or diversions just a nice easy drive.

I arrived to Bray and the sun was still splitting the sky, so with a hop in my step I went in to say hello to mum.

"Your fathers just been in an accident."

EDIT: Mum just read the post.....She actually said "Hi" first. Sorry mum :).

Lovely. So I quickly lost the hop and smile and felt my chest constrict with fear. Sweat immediately beaded on my forehead and I felt a bit shaky on my feet. All in the space of about a second.

"He's ok. He just rang and said he was out of the car"

Hmmm. Ok, well he can talk and obviously move so he is not dead. That made me feel better. So I asked mum what had happened.

This is where the fear left and the anger hit in with such force that I was nearly compelled to drive to Carlow.

So it happened like this. My dad is a driving instructor, and a very good one at that. He has a very high pass rate and both myself, my little sister and even my little brother passed our tests first time ;) (hehe, sorry Al). Dad was parked on the hard shoulder, on a straight with a pupil. It is part of instructing where the pupil learns to drive on faster roads etc. Next of all some feckin gobsheen hits him from behind at about 100kph, on the hard shoulder, and spins my dads car 360 degrees. So the ambulance is called, the police arrive etc etc. Now thankfully my dad and his pupil were not hurt and for that I am obviously truly thankful. I believe the gobsheen is fine too, whatever.

So it is a pretty clear cut case. My dad was parked with hazards on and handbrake on, on the hard shoulder and a twat hits his car from behind. This is recorded by the police etc. The guy should be put off the road end of story.

Next thing I know its Monday and mum rings me.

"The guy is saying that your father was pulling out from the hard shoulder and that it is not his fault"

FUCK SAKE!!! The evidence is all there, from the garda report to where the damage is on the car, to the fact that the handbrake was on, to the pupil as a witness. The guy is chancing his fucking arm. What a dick, he fucked up and should just stand up and take his fucking medicine. So now of course assessors are needed etc etc. Thankfully dad is not going to let this lie and will go all the way to the courts if necessary. Good on you dad!!

Whats wrong with the world that people do not or will not take responsibility for their actions. Is there no such thing as common decency, honesty or integrity anymore?? It makes me feel ashamed to exist in this era of law suits, claims etc. Fraudulent fuckers everywhere. TV advertising is a major cause with all these stupid ads about "No win, No fee!!" Seriously the world is a hard enough place to live in. If people do not take responsibility for their actions we will end up in a world of chaos.

The picture is one I took while dangerous driving.........I was on the motorway and had the camera in my hand and hit the button. I reckoned the shaky effect was kind of apt for this post. I changed the levels quite a lot to make it look a bit more severe and cropped it to just show the dials. Other than that I did feck all. Dolly will probably comment on the fact that it is not in focus.......hmmmmmmm. So I promise I will not post another rant for a while. I just felt that this story deserved one.

Ahhhh Spring.....and other stuff

2007-04-14T19:43:00.000+01:00

Well I finally managed to find my camera again. It was stuck in the bottom of a large box of crap that I hadn't been arsed unpacking. So anyway this means its time to let the brilliance start again. For everyone who has missed my utterly, amazingly, inane pictures....I'm back.

I have obscurely named the above picture "Some red berry things in a bush". Well I have a garden now so there are all sorts of new and wonderful things to take pictures of. The taking of this photo was amazingly difficult. Its been a couple of weeks since I have taken any pictures and I had forgotten what most of the little buttons did (there are only three). So it took a few tries before I remembered the little flower button. So I just clicked and this is what I got. Then I had to go through the bullshit of hooking the camera up to the PC. Then I had a nap for about 30mins. It was a nice nap and I had a weird dream that I was sitting in a deckchair in a tree.

So I played about with this shot in photoshop and made it look really crap so just started again and did some levels and said "fuck it, it will do as no-one really wants to see red berry things in a bush anyway".

EDIT: A special word of congratulations to Dolly, who noted the fact that the berries in the pic are not in focus. This is a very hard thing to do when they are in the centre of your picture. It took a lot of hard work to manage this. Anyone looking for lessons in how to do this should contact me on 1900 outoffocus...............

Well as I mentioned in my previous post I have moved home and this is a picture of it.

It was built in the 1930's and is worth a feckin fortune as it is in a very prosperous area. Thankfully the rent is pretty good. It could do with some insulating and crap like that but all in all is the perfect home. Its quite amazing how much different I am feeling since moving!!! Life is so much more relaxed and I am pissed off with myself for not moving sooner. I took a few pictures of my empty apartment and it is amazing how fast it became just an apartment and not home anymore.

Well I think this was a nice happy post so expect a rant tomorrow or the next day about Friday the 13th.........

Move is done...Thanks be to Christ

2007-04-04T19:34:00.000+01:00

So its done.........

I really hate moving. It's a pain in the arse. If I never have to move again I will die a happy man. Moving has gone up on my list of things I hate to do....

Well I have given up life in the fast lane (Thomas Street). Haha, and am now back in suburbia! What a difference. Today I heard an actual bird singing. Not a scaggy bird yelling "Get back in your feckin buggy before I kill ya". The air is fresher and I have a garden. You have no idea how weird that feels after living in a 1 bed apartment in the City Centre for 4 years.

Now I have been down on my luck for the past while so I reckoned there must be something on the way to balance things out for me a bit. Well on Friday I started lugging all my crap over to Dundrum and got a phone call from my regional manager. Now at the time I was working out in Blanchardstown so it was a fair distance but worth it for some easier living. Anyway she tells me she is making some personnel changes and asked me if I would look after the department in Dundrum.......

I nearly fell over. Sometimes things just work out perfectly. So now not only do I have a nicer living environment but my work environment is better due to the fact that I can walk to work in 15mins.

Sometimes life throws you a straight ball instead of a curve (whoa baseball talk....I don't even know how to play).

Sorry for not posting one of my brilliant, masterful photos *cough*. But I still have to sort out my computer and stop using my mates.

Christ what a trip!!! (Not the drugs kind)

2007-03-27T23:41:00.000+01:00

Whoa...where to start!! Well first of a big thanks to Ste for his usual organisational genius. Everything went of without a hitch, no fuck ups whatsoever.

So On Monday 19th I set of for Zurich for a nice relaxing break for the week. How wrong was I! On arrival it was straight to the imagine bar which serves ice cold Heineken. Its very tasty. Also being able to smoke in the bars there is like a dream come true so I should have seen this as a sign of what was to come. I had arranged to meet a friend that evening in Lucerne and arrived already pretty drunk which was not a good thing as I wanted to make a good impression, not your usual drunken Irish impression. Ah well we learn from our mistakes. Next evening found us having a beautiful meal and chilling with some drinks so I guess was really the quietest night of the week.

Next it was of to Austria by train from Zurich. This is by far and away the best way to travel. No cramped leg space, nice food, drink and beautiful scenery passing you by. We arrived at our hotel the Gridlon hotel. Family run and absolutely fantastic. We were on half board so got an excellent meal every morning and night and if you ever go that way I would highly recommend a stay there.

So Thursday morning saw us hitting the slopes.......literally. Well in fairness Ste and Baz can ski so it was really only Elaine and myself who struggled. Damn skiing is a bitch. Your natural tendencies are fecked out the window and with massive boots on it was not long before the hurt set in. Well I was eager so went of with Ste and Baz to show off my skills on the kiddy slopes. Ski gear and skiing makes me look weird hence no pics of me. So exhausted by 2:00 I headed back for a steam and sauna to clear some of the aches and pains.

On Friday the two boys took me up higher on the mountain and this was grand until I had to get back down. It was a blue run which is an easy one but by christ the fear hit me hard. Once I saw an edge I froze and could only ski in the opposite direction. which is not a good thing as you move forward at about 2cm a minute. I fell about 25 times and got really pissed off and just wanted to be down and drinking a hot chocolate smoking a fag. So I realised I needed a bit more training before attempting that again.

Saturday much the same with me sticking to the kiddy slopes again and the guys off skiing for miles on end. By this time Christina and Morgan had joined us so we arranged to meet in the mooservirt bar at 3:00 for apres ski. Well you know the movies, people chilling to a nice drink after a ski........It was mental. I got stociously drunk and had to get Baz to carry my skis down the mountain while I slid down on my arse.

I took a break from skiing on Sunday as I was bolloxed tired and had a drive around the mountains with Morgan and Elaine. I am usually pretty bored with this kind of thing but the scenery was amazing. So that about wrapped up the trip. Just a nice train journey home and then we got to meet Ash and Peggy who are friends who used to live here in Dublin and so got a bit pissed again.

All in all a fantastic trip and I would highly recommend a similar trip to anyone up for a good time. Problem is that I need a break to get over this one....

Holiday!!

2007-03-19T00:45:00.000Z

Well the sun is shining and all is well in the world! Well it was snowing today but in my head its sunny as I am off on a weeks holidays! I am off to Switzerland again and then skiing in Austria.

So I will more than likely be a lazy git and not post for the next week.

Feel free to leave any comments about the site or about anything you would like to see included in the future.

Have fun!

Tagged by Sandy....Damn.

2007-03-15T00:18:00.000Z

Ok so Sandy has ever so kindly *Cough*, tagged me into this silly bloody tell the world five things about yourself that they would not already know. Now normally I would not bother my arse but 1) I had no post for today prepared and 2) She did such a good and honest job herself that I said I would give it a bash. The picture is one taken of me by the bro a while ago. I am such a robbin bastard :)

I have different personalities at home and work. In work I am an organisational freak and get stressed and annoyed when things are not perfect. At home I couldn't give a fuck.
I hate tomatoes and peppers. Love tomato sauce, bolognese sauce and the flavour of peppers in food once I cant see the actual pepper. It was the same for mushrooms but I am getting better with them.
I have strange sleeping habits. I sleep on my back either with my hands behind my head or straight by my side. Apparently I point at things, sit up, talk and raise parts of my body for no apparent reason for minutes on end while I am asleep.
I fantasize about being able to stop time except for me and be able to do all sorts of things, like steal cars, sleep for 4 days straight, move people around so they go insane when I start time again and generally just have a laugh. Also that I can touch people and start them up again so I wont be too bored.
I love to love but probably do so too easily. Oh and I love porn.

Damn Sandy was right, this was a pain in the arse. There are so many things to say! At the same time when you start thinking about what to write its suddenly the hardest thing in the world. Its not like you are saying these things to a partner or a mate. Who knows who the fuck could read this. However I would recommend anyone to try it. It is quite enlightening. I am going to tag Caitriona, Fustar and Iced Coffee, see if they have the balls to do it. Hopefully Caitriona can get Aonghus to try as well.

Ok so now I have a question for Sandy. As I have answered this question what do I get. Is it that something good will happen in the next few days? Will I meet a nice girl? Will I come into money? You know the way there is always something when you do these!

Dawn Pappawazzi.........

2007-03-14T00:54:00.000Z

So I went to see my little God daughter last night and she was in great form. As I am now carrying my trusty crappy camera around with me I decided to get a more up to date picture of her for a post.

Well Diva does not even begin to describe!!!! So there she was just chillin out sitting on her Daddy's knee. I pull out my little camera and she goes mental! By all accounts, as her Dad takes so many pictures she is all about the cameras. So I am snapping away with her playing little Miss Grabby Mc Grabgrab. This is about the best shot I could manage......It really did put me in mind of those celebs who go ape shit about getting their pictures taken. I am also glad to see that I caught my brothers chin in the top right corner of the pic.

I did nothing to this pic as I was feeling too lazy. just a snap and go jobby. This using no flash is getting much softer and more pleasant pictures, albeit a teeny bit blurry. I had to use the hunker down position yet again......My brother slagged me. I reckon that is just jealousy at the fact that I am getting better picture results out of my crap camera in comparison to his Canon EOS 350d.

So at Christmas they dressed her as Santa. I wonder what embarrassing outfit they have in mind for Paddy's day?

Today I was stuck for an age in traffic coming home from work. Guess why? Some idiot blocked a lane on the Bridge over the Liffey from Phibsboro to Christchurch. This road is a nightmare at the best of times so this was just shocking. So to whoever that was I must stand up and applaud you. Tosser.

Razor

2007-03-12T17:06:00.000Z

"The bar of light through the drawn curtains of the pokey apartment glinted gently of the young mans (I am taking license, so feck off) electric razor"

This razor has had a life I tell you! Its blades have never been changed because you pay as much for a new one as you do for the replacement blades. Load of crap in my opinion and as it is not a good value purchase I wont do it (Like buying a house). So instead I just drag this thing across my face for hours on end trying to remove what little stubble I get on my face. There is a story for this razor though. I brought this with me to Brazil the first time I went and somehow managed to leave it behind. I was very pissed off when I got home and discovered I had to subjugate myself to the "BLADE", I hate them, yes they give a better shave but they also take up too much damn time.

About a year and a half later I went back to Brazil and believe it or not was reunited with my precious phillishave!! Well by this time my razor was fluent in Portuguese and had a really good tan but I managed to snap him out of being a Carioca and we are still best friends (He forgave my carelessness eventually)

Well I tell you what, I am starting to get an idea of the difficulty photobloggers have to go through to get a decent picture. I am your average one snap, happy chap kind of photographer but this one annoyed the hell out of me. I took 15......YES 15 pictures of this and could only use one!! With the flash it looked weird as hell and you could damage your eyes looking at it. So I used no flash, and again the little flower button! I think the flower button focuses on one part of the picture only and gets that really sharp and the rest goes blurry. When you use the flower button you cant use the zoom so have to go really close. Also if you are not really steady of hand it looks crap. So I held my breath and tried not to move. Seemed to work out ok. In photoshop I created a duplicate layer and gave the original an overlay to darken it a bit. So I learnt something new! How cool is that! I promise I will sometime venture outdoors to take a picture but so far I just couldn't be arsed.

Scuff Kote.

2007-03-11T15:59:00.000Z

I have a question about Scuff Kote. When you are using it are you cleaning your shoes or just covering up the dirt? Think about it. You have dirty shoes and you squeeze out some gloopy black stuff and cover you shoes in it. What happens to the dirt?

So this pic was interesting to take! I put the bottle down on a piece of white A4 paper and went click. Plastic comes up nicely though. A nice shine! So I used that flower button again and would appreciate it if someone told me what the hell it means. I really need to start taking pictures where I am standing up. I am getting a sore back from hunkering so much.

Again the picture had to be played with in photoshop but only for cropping and levels. I am going to try to learn what else photoshop can do because there are loads of options that I have never even looked at. I had my aperture set at whatever it is normally set at, I think. I forgot to use zoom hence the hunkering.

On another note I am looking for a new apartment and will be moving at the start of April. I am getting pissed off though. So I am looking online everyday and the problem is that everything is available immediately and not in a couple of weeks time. So what the hell??? Does no one give a months notice anymore?? Everyone just decides to move and legs it?? So I am in a situation where I cant start looking until closer to the time and by the law of the magical Murphy when it is time for me to go there will probably be feck all available. I feckin hate moving.

Eh, a guitar??

2007-03-10T23:11:00.000Z

Oh my god.........I enjoy going out but man do I hate the day after. Especially when you have to work early in the morning. Those jagerbomber things are an evil that has been unleashed on this world and should be avoided at all costs. It was one of those evenings where I even danced.......Oh god the flashbacks. I was sure I must have looked really cool. What is it about drinking that makes you do things that you wouldn't dream about sober. I even get extra careful when I am drinking because I am aware of the inherent risks involved with drinking and doing stupid stuff. I remember thinking "Ok don't start dancing" and next thing I know I am bopping away like a moron. Met some lovely people from Sweden who stayed with us for the night. I can only imagine the impression my friends and I left with them. Although I did get a thank you for the great night text today which was weird. So the moral is this. Don't go get drunk as fuck if you are working the next day. It is just not worth it........

So with my brain feeling like gloop I have feck all to write about the above picture.

I own this guitar and have had it for ages. I like listening to music and often daydream about being a superstar. Problem is I cant play the thing for love nor money. I suppose I could learn but am a lazy Irishman. So it just sits there in its corner and is a pain in the ass to dust.

I picked up my camera and took the shot in 3 seconds. Greyscaled it and hey presto a picture of a guitar. Whoopede dooda. Its amazing how, as a professional photographer, I still managed to take a perfect picture with my head stuck halfway up my own arse. Some of you photobloggers should take note of this achievement and set yourselves the goal of being just as good. Ha!

So which one is mightier??

2007-03-09T15:27:00.000Z

So its a question that has been asked throughout the ages. A question which requires hours of quiet contemplation. The answer is not an easy one to come by. It depends on the context of when the question is being asked. If we asked the question in medieval times we would have an obvious answer. The sword. But in today's society what is the correct answer?

I pondered this as I sat watching the beautiful Carol Vorderman attempt to inject humour into the mundanity that is Countdown. Ever since the demise of the fantastic Richard Whiteley it is just not the same. So anyway, looking at all the letters and numbers I was struck by how much one can do these days through the use of knowledge and intelligence. So in essence the answer for today's society would obviously be the pen.

However I then proceeded to bring this question down to its base level.

If some bugger comes running at me in a dark alley with a pen raised threateningly towards me, I would probably raise an eyebrow and ask him whats wrong. If the same bugger came running at me with a big pointy sword I would make a dark stain in my jeans and leg it.......

So realistically the answer is wholly dependant on the situation at hand.

Now I actually spent more than thirty seconds on this shot!! First it was hard to fit a teeny pen in a pic with a sword. Then the flash was again too bright. I pressed a little flower button on the camera that did something but I am not sure what. I then pressed another button that gave me an S and a lightning bolt that seemed to do the trick. Again I was in a hunker down position with the camera at a slight downward angle. Imagine if I had a real camera.......I would be so fecked. I of course photoshopped the picture but only a little bit. I cropped it and used a few auto level and auto contrast things that didn't really do much. I then used "save for web" instead of the normal save and it uploaded way faster. Thanx John!!

The Spooky Candle.

2007-03-08T21:00:00.000Z

Well I took this picture today because I have run out of old stuff to throw up here. Yes all of two pictures.......I lit a candle and put it on my seat so it would have a nice black background. I started snapping away trying to stop my hand from shaking after way too many coffees today.

Once I got them onto the PC I started going through them to see if any looked decent enough to put online. I have my professional photographer rep to look after you know. Imagine how startled I was when I reached the last picture!! There in the flame was an image! In no way shape or form something chucked into the flame through the use of photoshop! Wow!

So what did my camera see you might ask? Well I will let you work that out for yourselves.

There was cloud cover in my sitting room so the shot was made all the more difficult. I tried using the flash but it was too bright so had to wait for the cloud to disperse before snapping. As the pic was taken on my seat I had to use a hunker down position to get a straight on view. I had my camera set to no flash and a bit of zoom but not all the way. It was a lucky shot because it was soon after that it started raining.

On another note I just want to whinge about traffic in Dublin. Whinge. Feckin eejits all over the place with no idea how to drive. Pisses me right off spending an hour in the car for a 30min journey. "Oh maybe if I indicate this way, then that way, I will be quicker. Oops I made a mistake and am now stuck blocking 17000 cars, 2 buses and 1400 trucks". Tossers. I reckon if they retested everyone who has a full a license our traffic problems would be solved.....

Ahhhhh family...........

2007-03-07T22:54:00.000Z

Well it seems to be a generally accepted fact that professional photographers are always popping a few random family shots into their blogs. So what the hell!!! This is an old one of my little god daughter Rebecca.....Awwwww. She was wearing a Santa suit (because you can be cruel to children at that age) and it was her first Christmas. There was joy in the air as the sounds of gurgling and random baby farts permeated around the house. After so long with just us older family members she was the main focus of everyone.

Now as a professional photographer I obviously had my camera with me and set out to capture this precious moment. It was all set up. Baby on mum's lap, ripping the paper from her presents and no smoke in the room as we cant smoke around the baby (hmmm she should have been called pub).

And what happens! The "parents", wanting to have pictures to embarrass their daughter with later on in life, never wiped the poor things mouth. Good going, way to ruin the perfect picture. It looks like a damn boil for gods sake! But anyway, nobody said pictures had to be perfect. It is just an unwritten rule.

I took this picture while sitting down. Photoshopped it grey because everyone else does this the odd time. I was going to add a few touches to make Rebecca look like Satan instead of Santa but realised that it would mean I would not get fed by John and Paula when I call out to them anymore.

The plug of enlightenment.............

2007-03-06T22:12:00.000Z

Well I decided to get started before I am offline so that I have something to come back to. Otherwise Irishman laziness will set in and I just wont bother. So here we go. The first high def pic from a mind of an idiot.....................

So there I was having a smoke outside the back of an old building in Dublin. The air was chill and an atmosphere of quiet unease was settling on the tree limbs above my head. "Look down, look down" they seemed to whisper. So I looked down only to discover what you can see above. Through happenstance I for some strange reason had my camera with me. Photos happen. They are random captures, never preplanned, preplaced, prepared sets. *Cough*. So with my trusty Fuji Finepix F401 in hand I endeavoured to capture this moment.

What did it mean?? Was it the fall of technology in the ever changing mind of man? Who has become ever more focused on improving both self and mother earth. Was it the rise of technology? Technology having developed beyond the need for plugs. I felt sorry for this plug. What had it ever done wrong to be thrown aside like a copy of the sun newspaper.

I delved deep into my soul and searched for an answer. The wind through the trees above were still whispering. But now it sounded like "phOOOOOooooooooooooo, PhoooOOoooooooOOOOoo". Yet this was it. The wind was giving me the answer I sought.

It was a plug.

So for anyone who is interested, I had the camera on a bit of zoom, no idea what aperture means, I think I used the on board flash, I was slightly crouched towards the ground and I cant remember taking the picture but think I had the camera pointed slightly downwards but pretty straight. Oh and then I photoshopped the shit out of it cos it was too bright.

By the way check out this site kind-i-like it is great fun, hours of entertainment and makes you see not real people everywhere

Irish Blog Awards..... a surprisingly fun experience.

2007-03-05T20:28:00.000Z

Wow! I was given the chance to go to the awards on Saturday night with my brother and his missus. His photoblog mcawilliams was nominated for the best photoblog along with some very stiff competition

So as an extremely amateur blogger I was pretty unsure of what I would find at this event. Would it be full of really geeky people who would talk about stuff I had no idea about?? Would it be a very close knit community who would stare at newcomers and pull out banjos??

Well the answer in short is that it was neither of the above. It was a great night! Plenty of beer was drunk and the awards themselves were quick and fun with no poncing about involved. There was however some strange convoluted dance moves going on later in the evening......but the less said about this the better.

So what did I learn? Well I had no real idea just how much work these bloggers put into their sites. It really does put a person to shame when you think of the thought, time and effort involved. I am more the 30mins a month kinda blogger. Although it has made me revisit this site for the first time in ages. Special mention here for new sites discovered Fustar, Twenty Major and Iced coffee. Don't miss fustars Manky Toy Monday.

So I do intend to blog a bit more cos it is really good fun. But what can you expect? Well I have been thinking about it and I think having looked at a lot of photoblogs recently I would like to do something along those lines. Photographers have certain ways of describing things and talk a lot about light, angles, verticals, apertures etc etc etc. Well I know bugger all about that stuff so I will be posting pictures that I think are artistic..........I will use artistic speak and basically poke a bit of fun at photographers in general. Please believe me when I say I admire these guys a lot and am amazed at the kind of images they can produce, but hey, what's wrong with the common mans interpretations of the normal and bizarre. So in closing, I have to move house soon so will be away for a while but hope to come back with a bang soon.

Shopping....

2006-12-04T15:25:00.000Z

Well its that time of year again! The joyous occassion that is christmas. It's a time for family, friends, giving, being thankful for the year just past........

It is also a time for teeth grinding, unending pushing and shouldering and having to deal with huge queues just to buy a pair of socks (for your dad).

Now all of this can be as annoying as having your eyelids cut off with a rusty razorblade but is all part of what we now call "getting into the Christmas spirit", I am not a great one for shopping at the best of times but equipped with a list and a stupid sum of money I get on ok. However, of late I have been noticing something which is putting my back up.

The Sales Assistant. Now, I am a retailer myself but am talking from a customer perspective. The problem I have been seeing is not accross the board and there are some fantastic retail stores out there with an excellent calibre of helpful happy staff. The ones that I am trying to avoid are the store where you walk in and find two or three sales assistants standing behind a counter chatting......

Assistant 1: "I was out last night and got feckin wrecked outta me head. It was dem fat frog tings dat done it!"

Assistant 2: "Yeah I know dey are awful yokes. I puked me ring de last time I had dem."

Assistant 1: "Yeah I got off with some bloke and can hardly remember it!!"

Me: "Excuse me....."

Assistant 1: "Yeah?"

Me: "Ahh, I would like to buy this please"

Assistant 1: Grabs my item "And den we went to this shit hole of a club and it was grand though because we were all wrecked"

Me: "Sorry, but how much is that?"

Assistant 1: "*SIGH* 14:99 please"

Me: "There you go" handing over a twenty

Assistant 1: "The queue for de taxi was a feckin disgrace. Had to flash me legs to get one!!!" big belly laughs ensue

Assistant 1: "Deres your change, thanks"

Me: "..................." moves quickly towards the exit.

So what the hell is going on that customers have to put with staff like that. I felt like I was intruding on them. There was no attempt at any customer service, add on selling, nothing!! Amazing!! So I have been thinking of ways to avoid this.

1st: Be a wanker. Just tell them to shut up and serve you now!! You may get bad looks and some snippy comments but you will be out of the store quicker.

2nd: If you see this happening leave the queue, put back your item and buy it elsewhere. This way the sales staff will not hit their targets and it may actually help the management of these stores to improve staff training etc

3rd: Make friends!! Join their conversation with your own little anecdotes! ie: "Well I once threw up in a girls mouth after drinking 47 litres of after shock. It was feckin deadly" or "I got sooooo drunk one time that I woke up sitting in the crows nest of a tall ship in Dublin Bay!!"

Other than that if you are looking to avoid the christmas rush you are too late...but when shopping this time just buy double and you wont have to bother shopping next year!!!

Smoking..........

2006-11-28T19:59:00.000Z

Ok its been a while since i have had anything at all to say on this blog. Call it a mental block or laziness I don't really care as bugger all people look at this thing anyway.

What I am writing about this evening is the matter of smoking in Ireland.

I am a great believer in freedom of choice whether that be the right to choose to smoke, drink, eat fatty foods or the more important choices like who to put in positions of power, who to bank with, where to head in your career.

I have felt left with little choice in the matter of smoking. Today it was announced that the sale of ten packs of cigarettes is to be banned and that we are to expect a hike in the cost of 20 packs with the next budget. There have been complaints that there have been no price increases in the past three years. Bollox. Either these people are living in lala land or I have been transported to a different dimension......

Firstly there have been consistent increases in the cost of smoking, A 20 pack now sits on €6.35 which is pretty steep in comparison to some of our neighbours. Each time they increase the price people keep buying...Why? Because they choose to. If it means cutting down on the amount of chocolate you buy fair enough.

But consistent increases in price is not the only thing they have done. They introduced the smoking ban. Personally it does not bother me but it is still the government stopping people from making a choice. If it had been left at a division between smoking pubs and non smoking pubs both would have done as well as the other. I have no problem sitting for a while in a non smoking area and my non smoking freinds would have no problem sitting for a time in a smoking area. So instead they have changed the feel of the Irish pub. Now its the stink of toilets, puke and sour beer that permeates around the pub instead of the smoky haziness that was part and parcel of a night out. This ban has also affected peoples ability to carry out full conversations! Half way through chats you now have individuals invariably walking outside to have a puff of a fag. This has lead to a new kind of "Outside the front of the pub" smoking culture. Why did we not fight this ban, because we are to bloody lazy and too bloody laid back for our own good.

So now we have to deal with what we have and make the best of it. I would like to thank the HUGE number of pubs that have introduced special smoking areas, they are heated, spacious and comfortable areas where large groups can sit and pretend that they are inside. Secondly I would like to thank the internet for introducing people to the delights of buying cigarettes online. I myself would of course never go down that road but thankfully I like to travel and so can keep my own stocks up. Instead of increasing prices why don't the government look at introducing cheaper aids for people to give up. Like your nicotine gum and patches etc, they cost a bloody fortune!

Never say that I can not see the good in things. I believe that banning the sale of 10 packs of cigarettes will act as an excellent detterent to the young people out there who are starting to smoke and feeling the pressure of having to smoke. Its a fecking disgusting habit. However please leave those of us without the inclination or will power alone and stop making life difficult for us, if anything reach out a helping hand and spend some of our tax money on eradicating the addiction as opposed to the item that led to it.

Zurich trip!

2006-11-13T21:20:00.000Z

Ok I am just back from a great trip to Zurich. I have a Friend called Ste living there the past 3 years or so and just haven't bothered my arse going before now. So it was just a brief 4 day visit but as it was so short we tried to fit everything in. 3 of us went over on Thursday and 2 more joined on the Friday so it was a decent crowd. Add to that all the head cases that Ste has met over the past few years it made for a great group of like minded people.

When I say we tried to fit everything in that would be fitting in as much drinking time as possible and as many different kinds of drinking venue as possible. It was probably the worst sightseeing trip I have ever been on but was made up for by 4 excellent nights out.

Advise for anyone who is thinking of ever going....

Don't start drinking too early as the pubs and clubs stay open till 4 or 5 in the morning which leads to long sleep ins the next day hence the lack of sight seeing. We kept forgetting this so kept sleeping late.

A good point is that beer contains little or no chemicals and so you don't seem to suffer as much the next day.

Take a train to Alpamare.

This is an excellent resort with some great water slides, iodine pool, saunas etc etc.

In a previous post i talked about the state of the internal infrastructure of Dublin and I tell you what I have never been more impressed with a public transport system that what I saw in Zurich. When you arrive to the airport just go downstairs to the train station and buy a 3 day tourist ticket. It works on all the innumerable trains, buses trams around the city and is excellent for getting around.

Another bonus is that everyone we met or talked had excellent english so don't worry too much about language barriers. The people themselves are friendly and very willing to help you out. With all the banking over there there is great mix of nationalities and the work culture over there is excellent, staff are treated well so everyone is always pretty happy.

Take a care when drinking in the nightclubs as prices are pretty expensive, but then if you look at Ireland at the moment there is not a huge difference.

All in all an excellent trip and I will be going back as soon as my bank allows me too.......

Loss

2006-10-25T20:30:00.000+01:00

Loss is a funny thing. Sometimes its a set of keys which is one of the most frustrating things in the world, the keys are generally where you thought they would be in the first place and thats what makes it so annoying.

Sometimes its a pet, and that brings around some terribly sad emotions and at the same time some beautiful memories and is nearly bitter sweet in its entirety.

However the worst kind of loss is the loss that is caused by your own stupidy. You create the situation and only when its too late do you realise what exactly it is that you have lost. Love is what I am talking about here. When this realisation takes hold it is the deepest kind of loss that can be felt, your chest is fit to burst and your concentration levels waver between you seeming to be an idiot and someone who is half asleep. When you try to counter this loss by trying to retreive it and get nowhere it is then that the fullest ache of true heartbreak hits home.

I would just like to say to anyone that is going through this that they should try to look ahead and try to remember all the joy and happiness that they once had. Apparentely there is a light at the end of the tunnel, I have not found it yet but hope to soon.

I am sorry for posting such a miserable post but maybe in its own way this post can help other people know that this happens to a lot of people at least once in thier lives and people do get through it, I have been told that when you get to the other side of the tunnel there is a huge party and everyone gets naked, pissed and has a mass orgy to send you on your way to new adventures and new happiness.

My company business trip!!

2006-10-24T20:33:00.000+01:00

It has finally happened, all my hard work has come to fruition. Like those elite of the fashion world that jetset around europe and the world I was today sent on a business trip.

(Swoon over the exotic curves of the superbly crafted intercity train)

To Cork.

Now I have nothing against Cork in itself but, well, wouldn't it be much better if I was writing about adventures in Paris or Milan, about exotic women and strange sights?

So anyway, my train to Cork leaves Heuston Station at 7:00am, which meant a stupid o'clock start to the morning. Secondly the train fare is a magnificentely overpriced €59 for a return ticket. I am reckoning I could probably fly down for a similar price and will post a brief comment if that is the case at a later date (when I can be arsed checking).

So I am knackered tired, out of pocket and dieing for a cup of coffee. It is at this point that I realise that out of all the inumerable cafes in Heuston Station only Supermacs had bothered thier arses to open for business in line with station opening times. Bravo Supermacs this will not go unrewarded by me, as a fast food connoisseur. The only issue with this state of affairs is that of course they were packed and my train was due to leave in a few minutes and the last thing I wanted was to be left standing for a 3 hour train journey.

I got a nice window seat and sat patiently waiting for 7:00am to arrive and was actually looking forward to seeing some of the countryside etc during the trip. At 7:10 a voice comes over the tannoy. "We apologise for the delay but we are having difficulties closing the doors of the train. Please bear with us for a few more minutes while we look into this". I laid my head against the window and fell asleep. Thankfully.

My day in Cork was uneventful, just work stuff. My return train was at 17:30 which was grand and I got in at 20:10. So all in all not a bad days journey. The weirdest thing about it is this. I basically spent less time working than I normally do everyday, was seated and relaxed for a longer period than I ever get and yet I am absolutely exhausted...

So the moral of the story is this, when you see these high fliers going off all over the place and you think it sounds exciting and suave, I am damn sure it is as tireing for them as my little trip to Cork was, so dont begrudge them. At the same time, when you are offered a similar trip tell your boss to feck off.

Missed a couple of days cos I was lazy....

2006-10-24T00:01:00.000+01:00

God damn, when you set out to really try hard at something you inevitably f**k it up. So there I was all well intentioned about posting absolutely everyday without fail.....

So on Friday I went drinking and stayed in a friends house, went watching football the next day, was knackered when I got home so went to bed, and been working all day today.

These are all perfectly viable excuses for not posting. I am going to work on a post for tomorrow....tomorrow and as it is late not going to say much this evening.

However I was listening to the Adrian Kennedy phone show on the way home tonight and they were talking about how people felt about animals in the circus. There were a large number of callers against and a couple for. "Personally am against circus's that avoid animal welfare officers etc, because they are definetely hiding something"

So I sat and listened for a while to a load of idiots talk about stuff they dont really know about but basically want to be heard on the radio, when I suddenly realised that...

"I LISTEN TO THE RADIO TO HEAR MUSIC NOT A LOAD OF TOSSERS TALKING CRAP"

Dublins well crafted infrastructure........ahem

2006-10-20T21:34:00.000+01:00

Ok I was listening to the news the other day and was shocked to hear the following report......

Basically it was discussing the state of Dublins transport and build systems. We Irish know that Dublin is in a state with terrible congestion, no underground, bad one way systems etc. What really shocked me was that Dublins infrastructure is being used as a "How not to do something" report for other developing EU nations etc.

It really made me think about what my generation have to go through in Dublin right now. So we can deal with bad traffic and the longer working days because of this traffic. The biggest problem is the house buying market. The average cost of a house in Dublin is €468,273 euros. To break into the housing market you basically need 100% mortgages, help from all and sundry (family, freinds, the mob....)and an extremely long life span through which you can pay it all back...House prices have risen by approx 19% in the past five years. So why is this?? BECAUSE THERE IS NO BLOODY ROOM and we have yet to build up instead of out. Dublin is now spreading like a fungus and commuter areas are now cities and towns in mid north and south Ireland.

I for one am not a home owner and proud of it. I have no kids and dont really intend having any. Why the hell would I buy an over priced property only to be dead before it was paid off. Rents in Dublin have stayed on a level for a few years now and it is no longer the case where people got a mortgage because it worked out cheaper than renting.

Anyway I apologise from meandering away from the main point, which is that through countless errors of judgement by succesive Irish governments we are now as a people in deep shit, with only massive tax bills ahead of us to solve the mistakes of our past. Thats a damn shame.

On a happier note, I am proud to announce that I am the proud new owner of a microwave......less takeaways = more money saved for a massive mortgage.

I own a teapot....

2006-10-18T22:16:00.000+01:00

I went down home last weekend to the folks. We had a great time and I was constantly aware of cups of tea springing out of nowhere. So I asked my mum if she had a spare teapot I could take home. It happened that she did and I was thrilled!! No more getting up and down to put the kettle on for coffee and as an added bonus a major cut to my daily coffee intake! Fair enough tea is not great for you but its better than the bucket loads of coffee I consume everyday.

So here is my problem and any help from anyone who happens by this post would be appreciated.

I DON'T HAVE A TEA COSY!!

So now after my first cup of tea the rest are cold. Now fair enough with your mocha frappa lemony creamo zinger deliciouso, but not cold tea.

The second part to this problem is that I want to stay true to my effortless high level of cool *hmmmmm*. How the hell do I do this if I own a bloody tea cosy. So any ideas, throw 'em into the comments please.

The land of the fortune teller

2006-10-18T20:49:00.001+01:00

Well its nearly Halloween and strange things are starting to happen in the work place.

The mornings are cold and damp, kids are back to school so traffic is busier, the evenings get dark before you finish work.

What has all this created??

THE IRISH FORTUNE TELLER COMPLEX

Yes it's true this complex is spreading like a rash throughout Ireland as the winter approaches.

The following is an example:

"phone starts ringing"

Me: Hello?
Fortune Teller: Hello Dave? (in a sickly voice) It's me _______.
Me: Hello _______ what can I do for you this evening?
Fortune Teller: Well I don't think I will be in tomorrow because I am feeling really sick...
Me: _______. It is 7:00pm. 13hours before you are due into work. How do you know you will still be sick in 13hours?
Fortune Teller: (Dodges) Well you see its my stomach and my head, I don't know I just feel awful...
Me: When I was chatting to you about an hour ago you were absolutely fine. You sure its not bird flu? (Sarcasm)
Fortune Teller: I really dont know but yeah I felt fine earlier, it just came on me. You know?
Me: No not really, and I would be interested in seeing what came on you to make you feel so bad...
Fortune Teller: (Dodge) So anyway I don't think I'll be in tomorrow.
Me: Ok ________. Ring me in the morning and let me know how you are feeling.
Fortune Teller: Ok.
Me: By the way, can you tell me the lotto numbers for tomorrow night?

"Click"

So there you have it......I wonder if I will receive a call in the morning from the Fortune Teller.

Ireland, Weather, Driving.

2006-10-17T22:50:00.000+01:00

Ha! this is just unreal. I spend a lot of my day driving and have gotten used to bad traffic jams, congestion all over the place, grumpy drivers, horns beeping and the general malaise that falls over most of us when not driving for fun.

So anyway, today started out pretty ok as far as the weather was concerned, traffic was slowly moving here and there and all seemed right with the world.

Then 5:00pm arrived and it started raining......It is as if a silent alarm went off in the heads of every motorist in Dublin City. An alarm that cried "GET INTO YOUR CAR AND DRIVE". So leaving a store at 5:30pm and going back into the City Centre usually takes about 30 mins. 1hr 30mins later I am pulling into my car park with a grimace on my face and a strange twitching in my left eyelid.

The whole point of this post is that "THIS IS IRELAND". "IT FECKIN RAINS HERE ALL THE FECKIN TIME!!!" When it snows in Iceland they just get on with it as normal, maybe slap on a couple of chains but otherwise business as normal. Here it just gets crazy. Year after year its the same thing, we just don't learn. 10 minute walks become 30minute drives. "Oh my lordy I cant let my 15year old son get the bus home in this!" Or maybe it is just the stingyness of the Irish coming out.....

What a way to avoid spending money washing your car....

And the award for idiot of the week goes to.........

2006-10-17T22:31:00.000+01:00

Ok so there I was last night getting highly frustrated with my blogger template etc etc.... Nothing seemed to be working and so I gave up thinking I had acheived absolutely SFA for a good hours worth of messing.. I ring the brother this evening and he say's "Just refresh the page".

DUH!

Needless to say I felt a bit like this pic....

Trying to work blogger

2006-10-17T03:06:00.000+01:00

Great so got the page started and now am having difficulty working with it. So I edited the edit me sections on the right side of the page and my preview looks great! But when I save em and republish etc I get feck all in return..so I am gonna give up on that untill I talk to someone who knows what they are talking about...just adding a random image to see if that works....

Why do this at all..

2006-10-17T02:24:00.000+01:00

The answer is I have no idea at all except that it sems like a good idea right now. Whether or not it goes anywhere is another question altogether.

So what am I going to be doing with this blog........I guess I will just be posting some pics and general daily or weekly musings. Perhaps it will develop a life of its own and become something great :). You never know...

So anyways keep an eye open for new postings and hopefully you will find something either interesting or entertaining.